The Funny & The Scary Aspects Of Capitalism

THE FUNNY ASPECT

 

Traditional Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

 

 

American Capitalism

 

Your have two cows. You sell three of them to you publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your bother-in-law at the bank, then exeute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

 

 

 

Australian Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

 

French Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

 

Japanese Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

 

German Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.

 

British Capitalism

 

You have two cows. Both are mad.

 

Canadian Capitalism

 

You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose-in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.

 

Italian Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch. 

 

Russian capitalism

 

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and find you have 42 cows. You count again and you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

Swiss Capitalism

 

You have two cows, none of which belong to you. You charge outrageous fees for storing them.

 

Chinese Capitalism

 

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine production, and arrest and detain without trial the journalist who reports the number of cows.

 

New Zealand Capitalism

 

You have two cows. That one on the left is rather cute.

 

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THE SCARY ASPECT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bare facts have become rather scary.