Translate

About Me

My Photo
Texas, United States

1/29/2015

Things Actually Said In A Court Of Law

These are from statements people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.
***** 
 
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said
                 to you that morning?
 
 
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 
 
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
 
 
Witness: My name is Susan!
 
                                      *****
 
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
 
Witness: No, I just lie there.
 
                                      *****
 
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it effect your      
                 memory at all?
 
Witness: Yes.
 
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 
Witness: I forget.
 
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of     

                  something you forgot?

                                        *****
 
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
 
Witness: We both do.
 
Attorney: Voodoo?
 
Witness: We do.
 
Attorney: You do?
 
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
 
                                   *****
 
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person    
                  dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it
                  until the next morning?
 
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 
                                   *****
 
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was
                              taken?
 
Witness: Are you shittin' me?
 
                                   *****
 
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
                  August 8th? 
Witness: Yes.
 
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
 
Witness: Uh....I was gettin' laid?
 
                                 *****
 
Attorney: She had three children, right?
 
Witness: Yes.
 
Attorney: How many were boys?
 
Witness: None.

Attorney: Were there any girls?

Witness: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

*****
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
 
Witness: By death.
 
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
 
Witness: Now whose death do you suppose it was?
 
                                    *****

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?

Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Attorney: Was this a male or female?

Witness: Guess

                                      *****
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you  
                 performed on dead people?

Witness: All my autopsies were performed on dead
                people. Would you like to rephrase that?
                                      
                                          *****

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the
                 body?

Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30.

Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time"

Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
                            was doing an autopsy on him.
                                      
                                         *****
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?
                                       
                                           *****
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy did
                 you check for a pulse?
 
Witness: No
 
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
 
Witness: No
 
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
 
Witness: No
 
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
                  when you began the autopsy.
 
Witness: No
 
Attorney: How can you be so sure?
 
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
                 jar.
 
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been
                 alive, nevertheless?
 
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he was alive and
                  practicing law.                  
                                    
                                       *****
 
Apparently court can be entertaining.
 
 
 
 
 


1/21/2015

The Legacy Of President Harry Truman

 
 
 
 
Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 32 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House. The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence , Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.
 

When he retired from office in 1952 his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.
 
After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.
 
When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."
 
Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."
 
As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.
Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, too many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale (ie. Illinois ).
 
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!
We ought to have cloned him for telling it like it is and being frugal with our tax dollars!
(author unknown)

The "S" in Harry S. Truman doesn't stand for a name. His parents gave it to him in honor of two Grandfathers with S names. He didn't use a period after the S until he was President and a grammar teacher reprimanded him for not being "grammatically correct." He then added the period.
 

11/17/2014

DID YOU KNOW YOU NEEDED A TUNEUP?

      
 
Us  older  people need to learn  something new every day
 
Just  to keep the grey matter tuned up.
 
Below are a few facts to help you tune up.
***********
 
Where  did "Piss Poor" come from? Interesting Story.
 
They  used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.
 
And  then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery...
 
If  you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".
 
But  worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't
even afford to buy a  pot...
 
They  "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were
the lowest of the low.
**** 
The  next time you are washing your hands and complain because the  water  temperature
Isn't  just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
 
Here are some facts about the 1500's
**** 
Most  people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May,
 
And they still smelled pretty good by June. However,  since they were starting to  smell,
Brides  carried a bouquet of  flowers to hide the body odor.
 
Hence  the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
**** 
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
 
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
 
Then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children.
 
Last of all the babies.
 
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"
**** 
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
 
It  was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals  (mice,  bugs) lived in the roof.
 
When  it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off  the  roof.
Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
****
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings Could  mess  up your nice clean bed.
 
Hence,  a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
 
That's  how canopy beds came into existence.
**** 
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
 
Hence  the saying, "Dirt poor."
****
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery  In  the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help  keep their footing..
 
As  the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, It  would  all start slipping outside.  A piece of wood was placed in the  entrance-way.
Hence:  a threshold.
 
 
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over  the fire.
 
Every day they lit the fire and added  things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables  and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner,  leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.
 
Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
 
Hence  the rhyme:
 
"Peas  porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
****
Sometimes  they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
 
When  visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.   
 
  It    was  a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon."
 
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
**** 
Those with money had plates made of pewter.
 
Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing  lead  poisoning death.
 
This  happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were  considered poisonous.
**** 
Bread was divided according to status..
 
Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,
 
And guests got the top, or the "upper crust."
**** 
Lead  cups were used to drink ale or whisky.
The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days..
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather  around
and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
 
Hence the custom; "holding a wake."
 ****
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.
 
So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.
 
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on  the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
 
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen  for the bell; thus, someone could be,
"saved by the bell" or was "considered a dead ringer."
**** 
And that's the truth.
 
Now,  whoever said history was boring!!!
 
 
Smile,  it gives your face something to do!
 

     

11/04/2014

Lane's End


Jill Paterson is an excellent mystery author who lives in Australia
and uses Sydney for her settings. She writes in the classic manner of previous famous English mystery writers. She is meticulous in setting up her interesting characters, various plots,
and scenes you can easily envision.
 
“Lane’s End” is the fourth book in her Fitzjohn Mystery Series. I
have read all four of her interesting books and Detective Chief Inspector Fitzjohns is always true to character…very thorough, detailed, likable, and persistent in getting all the perplexing clues investigated in a timely manner.

Lane’s End begins with the discovery of the body of a seemingly unknown elderly man at a cocktail party on the grounds of the renowned Sydney’s Observatory.The bludgeoned body is discovered by a caterer after the party ends and beside it lies a beautiful walking cane with the silver head of an eagle for a handle.
As CDI Fitzjohn and his partner begin questioning the shocked hosts who gave the party, the plot begins to thicken and widen. One of the hosts of the party, a “person of interest,”  dies suddenly that night from a heart attack and it complicates the investigation.
The clues eventually send the detectives to Lane’s End, a once majestic estate that has remained shuttered and unused for over 30 years due to the unsolved and mysterious death of the first wife of one of the hosts of the cocktail party. The heart attack victim.


 
“Lane’s End” is a well written mystery novel that will hold your interest until the surprising end. I recommend it to anyone who likes to read mystery novels that are page burners.

10/29/2014

Flowers That Look Like Something Else

The flowers below all have two things in common: They're beautiful, and they remind the human eye of something else entirely. 
                         These are stunning works of art by nature.
 
Monkey Face Orchid (Dracula Simia)
 
Moth Orchid (Phalaenopsis)
 
 
Naked Man Orchid (Orchis Italica)
 
Hooker’s Lips (Psychotria Elata)
 
Dancing Girls (Impatiens Bequaertii) 
 
Laughing Bumble Bee Orchid (Ophrys bomybliflora)
 
Swaddled Babies (Anguloa Uniflora)
 
Parrot Flower (Impatiens Psittacina)
 
Snap Dragon Seed Pod (Antirrhinum)
 
Flying Duck Orchid (Caleana Major)
 
An orchid that looks remarkably like a tiger
 
Happy Alien (Calceolaria Uniflora)
 
And his friends...
 
Angel Orchid (Habenaria Grandifloriformis)
 
Dove Orchid Or Holy Ghost Orchid (Peristeria Elata)
 
White Egret Orchid (Habenaria Radiata)
 
The Darth Vader (Aristolochia Salvadorensis)
 
An Orchid That Looks Like A Ballerina
 

NATURE IS AMAZING & ASTONISHING....