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Texas, United States


The Green Thing

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
The older lady said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. 

Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a r azor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the"green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?


The Funny & The Scary Aspects Of Capitalism

Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism
Your have two cows. You sell three of them to you publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your bother-in-law at the bank, then exeute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
Australian Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
French Capitalism
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
German Capitalism
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.
British Capitalism
You have two cows. Both are mad.
Canadian Capitalism
You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose-in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.
Italian Capitalism
You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch. 
Russian capitalism
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and find you have 42 cows. You count again and you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss Capitalism
You have two cows, none of which belong to you. You charge outrageous fees for storing them.
Chinese Capitalism
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine production, and arrest and detain without trial the journalist who reports the number of cows.
New Zealand Capitalism
You have two cows. That one on the left is rather cute.


The bare facts have become rather scary. 


Thoughts That Humor The Soul

 These notices actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
Pot luck 
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
                                              It is a scary book!
 Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Is that any of Beulah's business?
 The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
                       Doesn't anyone edit these sign hangers?
 Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
                                                                    No Thanks!
 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
     The Latter Day Dude? This sounds like a fun church.
 Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Do rural Texans know that?
 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
                                   This one boggles my reasonable mind.
 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
                                                      There are parties in Hell?
 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
                                                          Oh well, if it's gracious.
 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
      I guess he it still going to where it's hot 
                                 even if he brings one back.
 Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
                                     Darn! We got out of bed for nothing!
 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Jesus said that? Huh?
 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
                                   Fun time at preaching.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
                                  Apparently it is a very "reformed" church.
 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
And they admit it on a sign out front?
 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
                                            Awesome work for sure.
 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:   'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
                                                                      No thanks
             And last but not least in case you didn't know:
Leave it to "informed" Texans to let you know.