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Texas, United States

2/06/2015

British Humor Is Different

 
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
 
 
 FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
 
***
                                                        FREE PUPPIES                                                                 
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. 
***
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
***
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
 ***
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
*** 
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ..
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
***

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
***
Statement of the Century 
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" 
 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but 
you asked me how I spell it.  (I Love this child.)
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the 
chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing 
we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: 
 Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't 
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand
...
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, 
do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook

______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 
'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's...
      Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
         (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who 
keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher



 

8 comments:

DMS said...

Always interesting to look at ads! I like the one about encyclopedias. :) I am terrible at spelling- so I wish I had thought of the kid's response when I was in school!

Thanks for the chuckles.
~Jess

Anna Maria said...

Thanks Jess...some kids are quick thinkers. I liked the kid who claimed his and his brother's story's were the same because they wrote about the same dog. How can you argue with that? :)

Anna Maria said...

I still have a test paper my son took in 3rd grade almost 50 years ago. One of the questions was, "What do sharks eat?" His answer was, "Fish and swimmers." The teacher didn't mark it wrong. :)

Bouncin Barb said...

What a great post. I'm laughing out loud at some of these classified ads. Great imagination on a few of them. Encyclopedias and washing machine especially. LOL. Hope all is well in your world. Good to hear from you! BB XX

Anna Maria said...

Good to hear from you too Barb. My friends send me these things and if I think they are worth sharing, I do. These made me laugh to and those are the ones I like to share.

Jon said...

Very funny!

I liked the washer/dryer for sale.

:)

Anna Maria said...

I liked that one too Jon...always good to hear from you. :)

GRACE PETERSON said...

These are great. I have to share them with my hubby. He'll especially enjoy the "multi-tasking" one. :)