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Texas, United States

2/10/2015

Thoughts That Humor The Soul

 These notices actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
 
Pot luck 
 _______________
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
                                              It is a scary book!
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 Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Is that any of Beulah's business?
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 The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
                       Doesn't anyone edit these sign hangers?
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 Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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                                                                    No Thanks!
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 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
     The Latter Day Dude? This sounds like a fun church.
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 Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Do rural Texans know that?
 
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 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
                                   This one boggles my reasonable mind.
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 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
                                                      There are parties in Hell?
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 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
                                                          Oh well, if it's gracious.
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 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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      I guess he it still going to where it's hot 
                                 even if he brings one back.
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 Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
                                     Darn! We got out of bed for nothing!
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 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Jesus said that? Huh?
 
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 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
                                   Fun time at church...no preaching.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
                                  Apparently it is a very "reformed" church.
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 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
 
And they admit it on a sign out front?
                                                         
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 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
                                            Awesome work for sure.
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 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
                                                                       Oops!
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:   'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
                                                                      No thanks
                               __________________________
                              
             And last but not least in case you didn't know:
Leave it to "informed" Texans to let you know.
                                               
 
 

7 comments:

Bouncin Barb said...

These are hysterical Anna. I don't know which one I like better.

Anna Maria said...

Thanks for visiting Barb...some of them left me wondering if they don't make punctuation for those signs. :)

DMS said...

Too funny! It is amazing how many mistakes get put on those signs and in the bulletins. I guess they are not proofread! I think the Church of the Latter Day Dude sounds fun too. Some of these are just a surprise- like: Stay Home, Heaven is Full. Fascinating!
~Jess

Anna Maria said...

Jess...they do tickle the funny bone and obviously do not get edited. One of their sign motto's is "Fire into the Fire" I'm still wondering what that means.:)

Anna Maria said...

Oops! The Olivet Baptist Church signs permanent message is "Through The fire To The Fire." Say What?

GRACE PETERSON said...

Boy they really do need an editor, don't they? These really made me chuckle. Thanks for the laughs, Anna.

oneperson said...

Hilarious!!! :D