Things Actually Said In A Court Of Law

These are from statements people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.

***** 

 

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said

                 to you that morning?

 

 

Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

 

 

Attorney: And why did that upset you?

 

 

Witness: My name is Susan!

 

                                      *****

 

Attorney: Are you sexually active?

 

Witness: No, I just lie there.

 

                                      *****

 

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it effect your      

                 memory at all?

 

Witness: Yes.

 

Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

 

Witness: I forget.

 

Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of     

                  something you forgot?

                                        *****

 

Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

 

Witness: We both do.

 

Attorney: Voodoo?

 

Witness: We do.

 

Attorney: You do?

 

Witness: Yes, voodoo.

 

                                   *****

 

Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person    

                  dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it

                  until the next morning?

 

Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 

                                   *****

 

Attorney: Were you present when your picture was

                              taken?

 

Witness: Are you shittin' me?

 

                                   *****

 

Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was

                  August 8th? 

Witness: Yes.

 

Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?

 

Witness: Uh....I was gettin' laid?

 

                                 *****

 

Attorney: She had three children, right?

 

Witness: Yes.

 

Attorney: How many were boys?

 

Witness: None.

Attorney: Were there any girls?

Witness: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

*****

Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?

 

Witness: By death.

 

Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?

 

Witness: Now whose death do you suppose it was?

 

                                    *****

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?

Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Attorney: Was this a male or female?

Witness: Guess

                                      *****

Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you  

                 performed on dead people?

Witness: All my autopsies were performed on dead

                people. Would you like to rephrase that?

                                      

                                          *****

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the

                 body?

Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30.

Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time"

Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I

                            was doing an autopsy on him.

                                      

                                         *****

Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?

                                       

                                           *****

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy did

                 you check for a pulse?

 

Witness: No

 

Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

 

Witness: No

 

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

 

Witness: No

 

Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive

                  when you began the autopsy.

 

Witness: No

 

Attorney: How can you be so sure?

 

Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a

                 jar.

 

Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been

                 alive, nevertheless?

 

Witness: Yes, it is possible that he was alive and

                  practicing law.                  

                                    

                                       *****

 

Apparently court can be entertaining.

 

 

 

 

 



The Legacy Of President Harry Truman

 

 

 

 

Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 32 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House. The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence , Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

 

When he retired from office in 1952 his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

 

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.

 

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."

 

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

 

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, too many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale (ie. Illinois ).

 

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

We ought to have cloned him for telling it like it is and being frugal with our tax dollars!

(author unknown)

The "S" in Harry S. Truman doesn't stand for a name. His parents gave it to him in honor of two Grandfathers with S names. He didn't use a period after the S until he was President and a grammar teacher reprimanded him for not being "grammatically correct." He then added the period.